


& We Will Try Again

by Fanofthebastillelife



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Bastille - Freeform, Bullying, Dan Smith - Freeform, Depression, Fat Shaming, Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts, sorry x
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 03:24:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthebastillelife/pseuds/Fanofthebastillelife
Summary: This is the most depressing shit you've probably read.T/W mentioned suicide, bullying, fat shaming, self-harm.Probably just don't read it.





	& We Will Try Again

Once again, the boy is sad.

This is not the sort of sad that you experience when you've had a shit day at school, miss the bus, get caught in the rain, have to walk home, then put your dressing gown on, get a cup of tea, and watch your favourite film. No, this sad is a sort of sad that Daniel cannot fix. Even the thought of his favourite film cannot brighten up the dark dwellings that are his thoughts. 

Can you even label this feeling as an emotion? That word seems far too strong for the emptiness in which he feels building inside of him.

He once read about this law- Murphy's Law. It's the idea that if something  _can_ go wrong, it will go wrong. And today, he relates to it. 

His brother has just screamed at him, like he does most nights.

"Why are you sat downstairs if your computer is on upstairs?" He had barked whilst the parents were out, throwing Dan's phone at him. Shocked by the sudden statement, Dan looked up. He was currently using what the family call  _The Dinosaur-_ an old laptop that you have to hold in a certain way to get it to work.

"I'm emailing myself some coursework I had saved on here," he had mumbled in response, because, in all honesty, he had told his brother that it hadn't worked for the best part of the last five months, but he doesn't listen. "I told you, I need to hold it at a funny angle." 

"Wasting electricity playing games," his brother had answered back, rolling his eyes. 

"I'm not. I'm having this on for five minutes to email myself something, then I'm going to work on it upstairs." 

Honestly, it wasn't coursework. It was songs. But his brother doesn't need to know that.

"Besides," Dan continued, "It's not like you're perfect. You leave your stuff on whilst you do a four-hour shift, so don't moan at me because mine's unattended for  _five minutes."_

His brother then made fun of him, which pissed Dan off. When his parents got home, he told his mum:

"Well don't react to him, you know how he gets," she told him as she served up tea from the local chip shop. "Just ignore him." 

"Yeah, ignore the twenty-year-old who is screaming down my ear. Good advice." 

If he did that, he would get into so much trouble.

Dan's room is also a mess. He needs to clean it up, but he can't really be bothered. It's full of so much school work that, until next month, he doesn't have any room. Thirteen years of school work, all tucked away in this room.

 

His exams start soon, too, but he hasn't revised for any of them. People kept telling him he was smart and he would ace his exam, but he can't even be arsed to revise for them. He was destined to fail.

 

And then comes the matter of his so-called best friend, Ethan. In many ways, he bullies Dan, insulting him in ways he knows he would never get away with if he did it to him.

Now, Daniel has had very toxic friendships in the past, with Ethan and two of their other friends. They humiliated him, and when they discovered the cuts on his arms, they told everybody about them. He fucking hated them, but now he's doing his A Levels, he still has to put up with Ethan, but luckily their other friend doesn't talk much to them anymore. 

"I'm so fat," Ethan had commented one day as they sat around in the room they inhabited for lunch. He pulled at the odd parts of his stomach, some fatter than others. Dan observed quietly as his friend spoke, in a group with their other friends. "I'm doing everything I can do lose weight and it's not going anywhere!" 

It was dramatic. Almost as if, in some sort of alternative universe, it was a teenager girl saying it.

"Well, you  _could_ start with your diet," Dan had commented quietly, shrugging. 

Ethan turned to glare at him. "So you're saying I am fat?" 

Dan sighed, "No, not really," he said, "But if you want to lose weight, eating three take out's a week isn't going to help." And Ethan ate a lot of junk food. His family have a designated takeaway day, and then he would get himself some three other times a week that he worked. 

Later, after lunch, Ethan turned to their friend, Kyle, and rolled his eyes. "I can't believe  _Dan_ said that." He growled, "When  _he_ looks like  _that."_

 

Fuck, Dan hates this.

The teen pulls his legs up on the chair on which he sits, hugs his arms around them, and takes a deep, deep breath.

What is the fucking point of all of this, anyway? He's destined to be homeless when he leaves school, anyway. The stupid words on the screen in front of him, words he had tried to make into a song, are just as depressing as his life. Nobody would want to listen to them.

He's considered the idea of removing himself from this planet many times, and sometimes it's more serious than others. It's in spite, mostly. He knows he would back out of them in the end. He's a coward.

The boy sighs and leans to turn off his computer and the monitor, turning off the lamp and rising to his feet.

What is the point of having these thoughts if you never act on them?

He crawls into bed and wraps himself up in the covers, feeling the dampness of his tears as they threaten his eyes. 

Tomorrow will come.

Tomorrow always comes.


End file.
